what do you do?

one minute  its all fun, and the next you are no longer a child, you can no longer act like a child and play you have to be serious. move out in to the real world, if the world wants you... sometimes you can feel so abandoned, so unbelievably sad. 

sometimes i think i cant keep afloat and then a bunch of terrible things happen and i feel even more helpless. i have a sister who is hurting a best friend who is miserable and another friend who is heartbroken and watching all this pain around me, and my secret pain makes me feel like i want to crawl under a rock, maybe i can hide behind mom and dad for a few more years and pretend that i'm not a high school  graduate... i am just so done. 


im done with pretending i know what i want. 
im done with stupid boys
im done worrying 
im done trying to force myself to grow up because its "socially acceptable"
im done caring what society thinks
im just so done
with things that shouldn't concern me, because im still young. and dang it! i don't have a problem so you know what college students who give sorry looks and say you're so young
 stuff you!
you don't know a thing you are still growing up yourself! get off my age start acting you're own.
im not quite sure when this depressed post became an angry rant... please don't read too much in to this post, im not depressed im just stressed and stress combined with long day and late night and blog are apparently  bad combination. but im posting this any way because i promised my self i would start doing this more often, blogging, writing as my self, keeping up on plane and tall for Regina. 


thank you for reading, untill next time 


xoxo, ashleigh

Regina Ring

this one is for you

She would be mad at me for doing this... Regina was my mom's best friend they met freshman year in High School, she was like an aunt to me and my sister. I mean she has been in my life longer than some of my actual family members, she has been in my life for a long time. 

And she was one of my most dedicated readers, she really believed in my blog and in my robot shirts she helped me so much in getting to Italy.

It's so hard to believe that l won't see her ever again...

every time i had seen her she would say, "hey why haven't you been writing on your blog lately? l have it bookmarked on my computer at work, l check it all the time just to see if you have updated it." and l would always give some lame excuse why l wasn't writing...

I wish i would have told her how much she meant to me, how much she still means to me... how all of the holidays felt empty as i got older but not when l was with her because she made them so fun. How l will always think of her when ever l see a picture of a fairy or a moon and stars l always think of her. that all of my successful partys were thanks to her. how when she started writing more than her name in our cards, and started writing paragraphs and that she loved us it meant so much. 

We love you Regina.

Thank you for being such an important person in my life, in all of our lives.

time and how it is always passing

           it has come to my attention that time is never enough, there is too much or too little, either way we are always trying to keep up with it, and we plan our life around it. being in my last year of High school I find myself reflecting on the aspect of time a lot, looking back, looking forward.

 It is a scary thing to go through changes, especially when I'm so comfortable in this small world that has been created here at Grove this is my home, i feel like i belong here. everyone is so excepting of everyone and kind and weird, w all fit in, i could et along just fine right here forever... but i would never learn to accept change, i would never have experience in the outside world, i would never further my education, i would never pursue my dreams and fulfill my ambitions.

  I guess time is always fleeting so that we can choose to keep up, time gives us a chance for more time, thats why it gives new minutes hours months years, so that we can move on, and now I am too.

XOXO moustachleigh