Friday, September 2, 2011

what do you do?

one minute  its all fun, and the next you are no longer a child, you can no longer act like a child and play you have to be serious. move out in to the real world, if the world wants you... sometimes you can feel so abandoned, so unbelievably sad. 





sometimes i think i cant keep afloat and then a bunch of terrible things happen and i feel even more helpless. i have a sister who is hurting a best friend who is miserable and another friend who is heartbroken and watching all this pain around me, and my secret pain makes me feel like i want to crawl under a rock, maybe i can hide behind mom and dad for a few more years and pretend that i'm not a high school  graduate... i am just so done. 


im done with pretending i know what i want. 
im done with stupid boys
im done worrying 
im done trying to force myself to grow up because its "socially acceptable"
im done caring what society thinks
im just so done
with things that shouldn't concern me, because im still young. and dang it! i don't have a problem so you know what college students who give sorry looks and say you're so young
 stuff you!
you don't know a thing you are still growing up yourself! get off my age start acting you're own.
im not quite sure when this depressed post became an angry rant... please don't read too much in to this post, im not depressed im just stressed and stress combined with long day and late night and blog are apparently  bad combination. but im posting this any way because i promised my self i would start doing this more often, blogging, writing as my self, keeping up on plane and tall for Regina. 


thank you for reading, untill next time 


xoxo, ashleigh

Friday, August 12, 2011

Regina Ring


this one is for you
She would be mad at me for doing this... Regina was my mom's best friend they met freshman year in High School, she was like an aunt to me and my sister. I mean she has been in my life longer than some of my actual family members, she has been in my life for a long time. 
And she was one of my most dedicated readers, she really believed in my blog and in my robot shirts she helped me so much in getting to Italy.

It's so hard to believe that l won't see her ever again...

every time i had seen her she would say, "hey why haven't you been writing on your blog lately? l have it bookmarked on my computer at work, l check it all the time just to see if you have updated it." and l would always give some lame excuse why l wasn't writing...

I wish i would have told her how much she meant to me, how much she still means to me... how all of the holidays felt empty as i got older but not when l was with her because she made them so fun. How l will always think of her when ever l see a picture of a fairy or a moon and stars l always think of her. that all of my successful partys were thanks to her. how when she started writing more than her name in our cards, and started writing paragraphs and that she loved us it meant so much. 

We love you Regina.
Thank you for being such an important person in my life, in all of our lives.

Monday, April 18, 2011

time and how it is always passing


           it has come to my attention that time is never enough, there is too much or too little, either way we are always trying to keep up with it, and we plan our life around it. being in my last year of High school I find myself reflecting on the aspect of time a lot, looking back, looking forward.


 It is a scary thing to go through changes, especially when I'm so comfortable in this small world that has been created here at Grove this is my home, i feel like i belong here. everyone is so excepting of everyone and kind and weird, w all fit in, i could et along just fine right here forever... but i would never learn to accept change, i would never have experience in the outside world, i would never further my education, i would never pursue my dreams and fulfill my ambitions.

  I guess time is always fleeting so that we can choose to keep up, time gives us a chance for more time, thats why it gives new minutes hours months years, so that we can move on, and now I am too.

XOXO moustachleigh

Sunday, September 26, 2010

my senior year in high school



senior year started out like all the rest of my years at Grove, say hi to the friends you have seen over the summer and the ones you haven't seen over summer, it is nothing special because you have known these people for forever, some for seven years some for fifteen years.
the first days are run-through's for our classes, then its campus beautification( :( boring and hott ) then the all-school-camp out, for the last two years we have gone to camp wolf bear, and at the end of every camp out we have to do a camp reflection, well a girl at my school said "i didn't like it up their, next year lets go to silver wood lake" so we did. and guess who didn't even go on the camp trip?!?!?!?! HER!!!!
the teachers take us camping because they want us to bond, but the reason we bond so much up their is because we complain about the camp out.
so anyways, as you know i was on the cleans diet of eating only God made foods, so i was feeling great, i had so much energy, it was amazing i felt five years old again! so we went on a hike one day, we got lost (which seems to be a tradition on Grove camp trips) it was long, we went to the lake. it was soooooooooooooo gross! their was so much muck i could have probably walked on top of it like fricken Jesus haha, it smelt like a port-a-potty.
the second day, we went for a hike, the school went in three groups, slow, medium, fast. i left in the slow, our group left first then five minutes later the medium group left, the fifteen minutes later the fast group left, so we would all end up in the same place at the same time. so i was feeling great in the slow group, it was a hot hot day so i was determined to reach our destination, i was far ahead of everyone in my group. we were a little over half way their when my legs started to feel a tad "noodley" my head felt like some one had slapped me with a brick, i felt so cold on the inside of my body, and so hot on the outside. i continues drinking water but it was so hot outside that my watter was too, it tasted boiled. i told my friend Jamie how i was feeling, she said it sounded like i was dehydrated, then, my body gave up. i collapsed i sat on a dirt hill under a tree, soon my closest friends surrounded me giving me water, my art teacher wet a cloth and started to cool me down it was weird but hey it started to work. she told me i was suffering form heat stroke, and that my blood sugar was probably low, i needed salt. but i was on my diet, and i couldn't eat that! Mariah handed me a dorrito to eat but their was no way i was going back to say one, no way. they continued to say "you need this Ashleigh, your body is shutting down on you". after a while i began to feel much better, i did need salt, so i licked the dorrito. my English teacher said i needed electrolytes and he bought me a yellow power aid and i drank half, my friends drank the other half. the camp trip... one through ten... it gets a five.


so then the next week i drive to school, park out front by the sidewalk right next to the street, i'm begin climbing out if the car when all of a sudden some thing from my car (jayjay) sprays me in the face. it burns my eyes, my skin is on fire and my throat as well. i step out of the car and pinned my self up agents jayjay so i don't wander in to the street and get hit by a car and die. i cover my face with one hand, with the other i feel my way around the back of the car i trip over the curb and fall on my back,i scream out the f-bomb as i crash to the floor, people from my school are still getting dropped off so some people probably saw we writhing in pain on the side walk. as i am laying their, i think about what my car could have possibly sprayed me with, then it clicks that i had a can of pepper spray on my keys, which the safety cone undone sometimes i must have pressed on the nob while getting out of the car. just then i hear someone say "hi Ashleigh." i wanted that person to help, but i also did not want that person to help. i turned to the voice, my sight regained and i turn to see Lauren Eis sitting crossed legged on the sidewalk next to me, "are you okay?" she asked probably thinking i was upset about something rather than have a face full of mace. it hurt to speak but somehow i managed to say "pepper... spray... me... i...its in my mouth, and my eyes!" she said "oh God, should i take you up to the school?" i asked her to take me to my moms work. i walked through the door i tried to speak but i couldn't, my mom rushed out, i made it clear that i was not in a car accident (her mind always links to car accident first, pepper sprayed in the face probably would have not been her next thought) i told her what happened, she rushed me over to the sink and started to wash out my eyes, all of her co-workers began to help, one of her friends looked up how to treat it, and it said not to flush it out with water but milk and water mixed so we did that, but every thing else still burned, so i went home for the day. but boy oh boy my friends are still making fun of me for that.


in other news Thursday night i saw my favorite band Muse, it was so fricken amazing i'm soooo glad i went
ill never forget it, i hope to go again! oh and my camera finally got fixed and came the night before the concert so i got to take pics! to any one who does not know Muse, look them up, listen and have your mind blown. for those of you who do know Muse but only know them because they love twilight, and Stephenie Meyer said she loved them so you looked them up and all-of-a-sudden you love them too, shame on you! or you found out about them from the latest guitar hero, shame shame shame! for those of you who do know them, and like them, buy a ticket and go to the show what is a few dollars to a long lasting mind blowing experience/ memory?  hit me up and maybe we can go together ;) haha

so that is my update, senior year has been slow so far but i'm sure it will speed up soon.
                                                                                                   -ash

Monday, August 23, 2010

"yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. thats why it is called the present."


Normally, (on any other day) I would have thought that this saying was... wise, insightful, and many other things. But after today... I think its a load of crap. 
"please God give me another day... and erase this one from my memory. Amen"
I wish I could blame the events that happened today on someone but the sad miserable truth is... I have only myself to blame. And maybe that is why it hurts so bad, because I know that I was in the wrong (all evidence points to me), also, it made my Mom right, as she always is ( :/ ).
WHY IS MY LIFE SO PREDICTABLE!?!?!?!?
it annoys me to no end. And I am sorry i am ranting right now, but I have no one to "console me" or complain to, so Ill unleash my depressed thoughts in to the internet, to my few readers.
I cant go in to detail with out going on a rampage, just know that it is nothing of grave concern.
I feel so overwhelmed. And I've been thinking about that word "overwhelmed" and I have  thought about all the times I have felt overwhelmed, and I realized that I have never felt underwhelmed. Oh how I long to be underwhelmed. I guess that's why we have summer.... time to feel underwhelmed. Unfortunately it has had the opposite effect on me. :/
                        Untill next time... if you even wish to continue on after this entry (once again I am sorry)
                                                                      -ash

Saturday, August 21, 2010

8 days down.... 22 days to go...

so my mom my sis and i joined this "boot camp" that is run by a nice couple that goes to our church (Jessica and Mike) the program lasts for twelve weeks, we work out twice a week on our own, and once on Saturday all together, and for 35 of those 12 weeks we are eating ONLY God made foods (foods that are the most nutritious for our bodies). The diet is supposed to make us realize our addictions that we never noticed before taken away. I am not addicted to any foods, so I said "why not? I can eat right for a few days." it is not as hard as i thought. Going in to this, and looking at the list of things NOT to eat, my eyes fell on one section, NO DAIRY!, I LOVE yogurt, milk, CHEESE, all those goods! But unfortunately i must abstain from the creamy delicious dairy products for 35 days, I knew that dairy is what I would crave the most; and i must know myself pretty well, because i was absolutely right!

other than that, the "diet" has been going quite successfully.... for my sister on the other hand... its not exactly "smooth sailing" she is in desperate need of sugar, she is acting like a heroin addict quitting cold turkey (its fricken hilarious). Oh did i mention, that, IF you cheat you have to start back at day 1? NO? well its true. (Savannah has to restart. even though the ingredients in honey is honey, its a substitute for her real addiction. Therefore back to square one.)








the first few days were difficult, we were spending the weekend in Vicalia (sp) with my family, and we had to go on a pick nick (the recipes that we use make a lot, but all of them have to be heated up) so we ate fruits veggies more fruits and veggies, hard boiled eggs, while our family got to enjoy sandwiches. Okay they did not enjoy their sandwiches, the cooler that they were in actually soaked all of them straight through the bag.


in other news, i went to the doctors, found out i have a stigmatism  in my left eye, and that i have exercised induced Asthma, Savannah died my hair burgundy, i painted my nails like Rihanna....
 and thats about it.

until next time
                               -ash

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

summer time

summer,

where to begin?

the summer started out slow... which is what i wanted.
i had a very fast moving summer last year, so i wanted to get
all of the things i HAD to do this summer out of the way first
 so i could do what i wanted to do this summer.

 First few weeks : baby sitting Joseph and Toby.
get enough money to buy a camera.
buy a camera.
finish summer home work.
take few pictures (because i was rarely out of the house)
shopping
shopping
online shopping
                                                                hanging out at Ali's house
                                                                waiting in line for eclipse all day with Ali even though i wasn't staying to watch the movie at midnight. i went with my aunt Susanna at three am.


next few weeks: help my Aunt Dawnette and family move in to their awesome new house
visit family in vicalia (sp)
be cca at forest home ( van and i make lots of new friends)
Savannah erases all pictures on my brand new camera (accidentally)
find out my friend Sirena was in a car accident (she is okay but broken a little)
go to drive in movies with family to see the best movie ever (Inception)
i start to work with my mom making a movie at MIR called toy story 3.5 i did all the edditing
my camera starts taking blurry pictures i take it to get fixed
help my uncle mike and family move out of their old apartment and in to their new one
went to movies and market night with Morgan and her boyfriend (we saw The Sorcerers Apprentice)
went to beach with Vannah and Trish (i was saved by a life guard... sounds cool, yet, so embarrassing)
went to the movies with family to see Dinner For Schmucks (hilarious)
ate at Olive Garden and went to TCBY
still my camera is unfixed

a week later: go swimming with Eliannah in her new pool (she is so funny)
visited with my friend Jamie went to see Charlie St. Cloud (really good! Zach Efron should get an award)
next day we met up again for market night (Me, Savannah, Jamie, Sharia, Jessica, Eva ) got talked to by a police man because we were out past curfew (we had to use the bathroom what a dirt bag. strongly dislike the Redlands police) (that night sucked.)
Vannah entered driving school
then back home lounging around the house again
Vannah gets driving permit
still my camera is unfixed (im mad)


so far my summer has rocked, its been the perfect combination of  work, play, and lazyness.